{August 5, 2011}   Making me do stuff I don’t wanna

Like pretty much every kid, there were days when I prayed for adulthood.  Ididn’t care about getting married, raising a family or having a career. I just didn’t want anyone to freaking tell me what to do.  EVER AGAIN.  In a way, I’ve achieved that.  My boss at the video store is pretty hands off, my roommates are never gonna yell if I don’t do my laundry or make my bed.  In esscence, I’m the boss of me.  Lately, though I’ve begun to wonder if that’s such  good thing.  I have a generalized anxiety disorder that makes it really difficult for me to leave my house-especially if I’m travelling into uncharted territory.  For the past few years my coping process has been to not do anything I don’t feel comfortable doing.  Thus my life consists of work, methadone clinic, a little hanging with the roomies and watching endless amounts of movies in my room.  Comfortable, yes.  Happy? Not exactly.  Fulfilled? No way.  So I’m going to do my damndest to step outside my safe little cave.  For starters, here is a list of things I am NOT going to flake out on this week.  You heard it here first, folks. Now hold me to it!

1. Meeting my friend Mac after work tomorrow. I don’t care how tired I am.  It doesn’t matter that he’s seven months sober and I won’t be able to grab a post work beer.  His dog just died, and he needs a friend. It’s not like he expects me to throw him a goddamn parade, just be there…and, for once, I plan to whether I feel like it or not.

2.  Check out the health realization meeting after work on Sunday.  I already called the contact lady and not only does she seem really nice but she told me it’s fine if I’m a little late (the meeting starts at six which is when my shift ends).  I really need some sort of soberish support group.  I’ve only been talking about it for three years. I think I can devote an hour of my oh so precious time to this meeting.

3.  Calling O and A.  They are customers at my work who have gone out of their way to befriend me.  They have extended numerous invitations and their house is directly on my way home from work.  When O found out I was working a twelve hour shift tonight, he stopped by with some uber dank just to brighten my day.  I like these people and would love to be friends with them.  I’m just terrible at picking up the phone.  But not this week.  I WILL call these people.  Perhaps I will even venture over to their house with a six pack of fat tire and a good attitude.  The sky’s the limit 🙂



Good resolutions! 🙂 Good luck girl; I’m sure you’ll fulfill them. Believe in yourself.

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